The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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