He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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