you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
