I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
