My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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