This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
