I faked an abortion last night.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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