Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i've created a new STD.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize