I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
