Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
