One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
