If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize