My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
