i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
