woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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