i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
