All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
