I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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