Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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