I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
