It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
they need to just BURY HIM!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
