Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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