I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize
