there's paper in my vomit.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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