Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
