Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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