What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize