Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
