I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
