Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the condom got lost in my hair
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
