Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
