Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
