Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
