I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
