it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
