No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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