I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
