end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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