and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
