I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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