i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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