Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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