put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you would pick up someone in the library
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
