I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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