I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
