dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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