i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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