Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
