I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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