i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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