Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
4 words: hood of his car
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
