so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
