Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
