The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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