I only kidnapped one of them. chill
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
