Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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