OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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