..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
