Is it normal to miss your booty call?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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