This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
