my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
