Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
