it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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