Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
