Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
