Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
