that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
