I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
