he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
