I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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