my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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