Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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