Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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