Got a toothbrush?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
